We once told Sasha he was like a retarded computer. He shouted, "I'm not a retoarded computer." That's how he said it, with an 'O' sound in retarded. I swear. So it stuck, the name that is, cause he made it funnier than it already was. And you may be asking, "But why is Sasha like a retoarded computer?" Allow me to explain. If you were in nYc this summer, you must have heard about the free Shakespeare in the park. Well Sasha was in nYc during the summer, but he only heard about it before the last performance. Sasha, because in all honesty he is brilliant - in his own way - decided since it was the last performance, people would pay big bucks to get tickets to the show. To get tickets to the show, he would have to wait online all night. That Saturday night Sasha and two friends stood awake all night in Central Park in order to secure six tickets to "the Seagull." Why? Because that's the kind of crazy shit they are known for. After they got the tickets Sunday at 11, they planned to go to the East River to fish out a Moped they saw someone throw into the river, and then shower and such, and then scalp the tickets for 100$ a piece before the show.
They played Stratego all night, but Sasha's friend kept on making up rules; hence, Sasha always lost. They drank some beer, read poetry, and slept, and read the Sunday New York Times, and then stood for a few hours as the tickets were being prepared to be distributed. I met them that morning at nine just to say hello. I suppose I should describe how they looked. Well imagine what three college kids who had been drinking, playing Stratego, reading poetry, and sitting up all night would look like. Now imagine them in thrift store t-shirts and raggy corduroy pants. That's what they looked like. I walked with them to get some bagels, they seemed okay, and so I left them after breakfast. Around seven hours later, Sasha came into my house to shower. I noticed a rather putrid smell around him. He said it was the East River. I said probably. As he removed his clothing in the bathroom to shower he explained to me that hooking the Moped proved harder then they thought and he had to go in the river and attach the hook manually. I said something about it probably being worth it. He said the bike was broken. I said Go figure.

After showering, Sasha went to scalp the tickets. I would love to tell you a story that does not involve Sasha being robbed, almost killed, arrested, and really stupid, but it just doesn't look like that's gonna be happening. They arrived to the park and scalped 5 tickets successfully. They made a good amount of money considering the tickets were free. Then Sasha asked a man who resembled Dustin Hoffman, as he was in "The Seagulls" if he would be interested in the tickets. Dustin Hoffman responded that he had his own tickets. Then Sasha asked a woman if she would be interested. After some badgering, she conceded to the price of 60$ for the ticket. Sasha was about to get out of this story without doing any of the aforementioned things when the lady said that he shouldn't give her the ticket now, she wants to see if the tickets were real and then only then would she pay him. He agreed and walked with her to the entrance. After she was admitted she handed Sasha the money when all of a sudden, the ticket person started shouting, to the cops, "Over here over here, someone is scalping over here." Sasha was off in great haste. He ran out of the park. Behind him was a cop on a bike, chasing him. At the exit of the park, Sasha stopped and the bike caught up with him. He started pleading, "I'm just a stupid kid, I'm sorry. I only made 40$. Here you can have it, just don't arrest me." He gave it to the Cop, who then took off on his bike. He was not a Cop, but another scalper who got frightened when the ticket person began shouting.

He went back into the park, found his friends, and was all ready to leave, 120$ richer when he saw the scalper that stole his money. He approached the scalper and argued with him until the scalper admitted he stole Sasha's money but refused to give it back unless Sasha scalped his last ticket. Sasha agreed and successfully scalped the guys last ticket for 60$. Sasha pocketed the 20$ and went to give the scalper back his 40$ and get his 40$ back. I don't know why Sasha ever contemplated going back to the scalper, but I think it has to do with honesty, naivety, stupidity, or some sort of "I am going to get my money back and then keep his money" scheme Sasha was cooking. Well Sasha took out the 40$ and then the scalper pushed him, grabbed the money, and road away without returning Sasha's original 40$s. Just when things couldn't get any worse, the cops came up to Sasha and asked him if he was scalping. Sasha said no and told them about the scalper stealing his money, but they didn't care.

That is the end of this story, all in all Sasha came out 100$ on top and I find that amazing. It seemed like a simple, granted stupid, but at least simple, idea. Scalp tickets. I don't know how it got so fucked up, but I guess that's the kind of crazy shit Sasha is actually known for.