I know I was suppose to make a nice post yesterday when I got home, but I just fell asleep after coding most of the login script. I also bought my brother a birthday present. It was his birthday yesterday, twenty two. Cool right? He is a cool dude, good brother, always there for me and I love him this _________________________ much. Which is a lot, for text, but not a lot for the size of his penis. Hehe. "Got a pecker ____________________ this big, just like his father." Name what movie that's from and ill get you a kansas o'rogers tshirt, swear. Anyway, I am at work and Im passing out again.

I went to erika's for breakfast but we just watched office space. I then went to school to get this card they give us signed - in order to graduate - but that floppped for many reasons. I also tried to see my Work Study Advisor, but that too flopped so I came to work at 11, it is 12 now. maybe I will do lunch soon. Man I am passing out at my desk again. The new intern must think I am some sort of whacko.

Last night we went to see the Duke Ellington Orchestra at the BlueBird Jazz Cafe. I got wasted, and bought a new zippo lighter. Don't ask questions, it was a rash decision. I think that is it for today's post, I will see everyone later. I should be home early tonight so maybe I will have a chance to write a post about the party and what not, at least fixed up the commenting.

Oh one more thing. Let me rant about this bullshit. The US is full of it. We march into whatever country we please for whatever reasons we want, declare ourselves the moral upholders of the free world YET we violate every international treaty on Cruel and Unusual punishment we have signed. What other "moral" country has the death penalty? How can you execute someone for a crime the commited as a child?! EVERYONE DOES STUPID THINGS AT 17, God knows I Have and God knows he has. It is bullshit, this poor kid never had a chance to live, I mean yeh punish him, rehabilitate him by taking out of society (I am being sarcastic) But don't take his life! Humans have no fucking right to kill one another in any circumstance. As if we could ever justify the death of someone else. You have to be kidding me. Only people who believe in god can justify murder - because as Son of Sam said (amongst other crazy murderers) god told me to...Well oh, if god told you to do it, then by all means, kill Yitzchak Rabin, Fry the rosenbergs...Its crap. Our justification of the death penalty is just as bad, we are upholding the bible in our penal system and that is wrong. The Death Penalty is Cruel and no one deserves it - well deserve is the wrong word, no one has a right to administer it. Bastards.

I got home early today, 5:10. So I have a full night ahead of me. I am going to spend it all on the site and for starters im gonna add to an already wickedly awsome daily dose.

Some thougths that have occured to me recently:

This won't be that organized. But because of some of my friends, I have been thinking a lot about - well something ive discussed before - arrogance, ego, and meaning. If Ive said it once, Ill say it again, I don't think ego is a bad thing. I mean colloquially, it means something else, in fact, I think it is all to commonly intercahnged with arrogance. Ego is something rational. Arrogance is irrational. The narcissist is arrogant, he is paralysed by his arrogance and falls in love with himself - only he doesn't know that its himself. Thats the irrational part of arrogance, it will always elude the person. Ego on the other hand is something powerful. My sister fucked with my winamp playlist, give me a minute. Okay, im back. Right, so ego is something that everyone needs in order to prevent themselves from falling into a vicous circle of self-doubt. Ego means you can trust yourself because you know what you are capable of. Im rambling arent I...well I am going to push on and try to explain this. I remember when I was depressed that I kept on looking for answers, or meaning and truth or just something that would tell me what I should do, for sure, that would make me happy. And maybe that was the problem, i was looking for something, whatever it is - some people find god, some people find rocks - to tell me when in fact I was the one that should've answered those questions for myself. I am the only one that can tell me what are the truths to my life, what world I live in. I didnt realize that then, but I think that is what I needed, and not having answers really scared me. Answers. Humph. Well anyway to go on, a year later, I think I have come a very long way, I now can trust myself to provide me with answers and more importantly, when I dont have those answers when I cant decide something, I am not going to let that scare me. Ego allows me to do that. Its a rational form of thinking or selfinspection. Place me at the center and examine myself. You learn a lot about yourself that way, and knowing, as the G.I Joe saying echoes, is half the battle. I know someone who is terrified that they don't know themselves, they shouldnt worry. Another thing is doubt. I mean the pseudo thinking process that leaves you choosing neither A or B or maybe A and B. I think one of these is a result of the other, but perhaps no one knows what I am talking about, and perhaps someone does. I am not quite sure what I am talking about, but I sure enjoyed writing this.

Writing. I need to write more. And I need to write more effeciently. I am becoming big on effeciency. Ironically, out of the 12 lightbulbs in my room, only 3 are working. The new site, you know, version 2.0, it is a model of effeciency. It literally makes the least possible ammount of database connections. It collects data in arrays rather than in one dimensional variables. I know mock the people still using Do While MoveNext Loops! Ha at you sillly silly people. I also mock the people using blogger, that thing is such a fucking scam. It produces the most generic hideous looking layouts. Should be called "Blogger - Publishing for people who would have nothing to say anyway." But then of course I am riding around the web on a high horse - me and my ASP...nah bloggers cool, just not as cool as Greymatter, MT, or writing your own content management system. That thing I said about blogger and people that have nothing to say anyway, that isnt true, I mean they aren't really related are they? Blogger's just for people who know shit about computers and got a guide to CSS for christmas. (If I see another site completely built on CSS tables im gonna shoot someone.) Oh those layouts are annoying...

Okay enough about that, how the hell did I get there? Right, back to writing. I am going to write in a more effiecent way. That means I am going to stop talking about my writing, and letting all the steam into the air instead of into a bottle to percipitate into a tangeable form - namely words - literally liquid. Get the metaphor? Got to stay on your feet when I get rambly. So I am going to be drafting, and outlining, and really focusing on writing in the next few weeks. Its is really important to me to show myself, more than anything else, that I can. So I will. Ah - what else is there to say now?

Well let me post some nice pics from the party I had on saturday night. While Photoshop 7 loads, let me say that I love photoshop 7. And Dreamweaver MX is also a lot of fun. But still, Editplus is the mother of my site.

Okay the party

I think it was a great success and everyone had a fun time. one second, i love it how everyone just assumes I am online waiting to talked to via IM. Obviously, if I am not answering I am busy.
**The Party: An Overview

The Supplies (how colorfull!)

The Resolution of a Live Cat Fight (there were on the floor fighting it out I swear!)

We Ran Out of Beer, so Scope Will Do she says.

The Party Pooper
**

That is it for now. Goodnight everyone. Oh one more thing. How fucking cool is this? I am on the 1 line.