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Flaws

April 24, 2002

I have flaws. Some of them are serious, some of them aren't. Lately, I have been waking up rediculesly late, like 12 every day. I generally do not have to be in school before one, so it works out nicely, but in the same breath, I would like to have some free time to write, work on the site, and yes, even catch up on some of my over due school assignments. Waking up right before I have to be in school doesn't really allow for that. I have no discipline to wake up early and I am in general lazy. That is a flaw.

Another flaw of mine is lack of self motivation. As Cher said on her behind the music, "If you wait around for people to encourage you to do something, you will just end up waiting for ever." Well if I am not encouraged to do something I generally allow it to remain fallow. I really need to be told that what I am doing is good and that I should continue doing it. If not, I loose interest. I have problems motivating myself. I am open to suggestions on why that is, given my personality as a nerotic confident pretentious guy who listens to radiohead and a wide assortment of indie rock.

Another flaw is guilt. Maybe this has to do with being jewish but I feel guilty a lot. no no no...better, when I am not in control, scratch that. Forget this paragraph. Hehe, you just waisted your time reading that paragraph. Okay, I am done for now. I am going to put the links to that video over here.

[FROM TWO DAYS AGO]

Right...

So Alex and I at around one o'clock AM decided to make a video. After some filming and editing, we have produced our own music video for The Clampdown by the Clash. You can watch it by:

Clicking Here - Real Media - Low Quality - Slow Internet. - 3.2mb

or...

Save As... - Windows Media - Good Quality- Fast Internet. - 9.5mb

Just never ever mention this video to me. Ever.

5 comments
5 Comments
Kyle 2002-04-24
Here we are with our running and confusion, and I don't see no confusion anywhere. Neurotic pretentiousness can be used against itself for self-motivation purposes; example internal dialogue: "You think you're so great, why is everything you do turn out like shit?" "Up yours, I'll show you what I can do."
Avi 2002-04-24
whenever I get hard on myself, like "Avi you are such an idiot, I can't believe you over slept the day of your math final and then got a twenty seven on the make up a day later because you were at a concert till 2am the night before." I don't really say to myself "Up yours, I'll show you." I just trattle off on this thing my dad does when he is pissed which is, "Shit shit shit fuck shit shit shit..." Like a day later, after like a billion shit-fucks, I can't even remember what I was so pissed at and just go on living the way im living.
Avi 2002-04-25
Can't believe I said "Hard on myself"
andrea 2002-04-25
The confident pretentious guy is more persona than personality - and is probably symptomatic of your lack of motivation and faith in your own work.
Gross. 2002-04-25
my throat hurts. i think im getting sick. i hate being sick. and im tired. maybe i should get more than 4 hours of sleep for more than once a week. but then i think, nah.